Haven't posted my blogs for ages but I decided to post them again. So here goes:
I was born into a world that doesn't care. My parents were still kids, they were highschool lovers and you know how they turn out, they always split up and nothing goes well for their unfortunate kids. I guess that's why I'm such and ungrateful bastard, aye?
I'm sitting here eating cherries, and thinking what a great life I have, but do I? Everyone always says how much of a hard life I've had, but I was having a chat with a very close person to me the other night, and they were telling me what she had gone through, she'd been raped several times, she saw her grandfather have a heart attack. She tried to kill herself several times, and the worst part is I feel like I went through it with her. I don't understand how she keeps going, she suffers with depression (no surprise there, aye?). Ever since I heard what she's been through I've been thinking 'why do I complain about my life?' and 'I wonder what I'd do if I was her...'. I don't want to experience any of what she did, but I suppose I don't have a chance, I probably will one day in this world.
I feel used, people only talk to me if they need my crappy advice or if they get cornered into talking to me, it makes me feel worthless and makes me want to end it all. I had great potential until I moved and got bullied for being so smart, so I acted dumb and in doing so dumbed myself down. I now know nowhere near what I did when I moved in year 6. I mean fuck, why do I always feel bad for who I am? I know very well I don't fit in and I never will, yet I continue to try, I always try to impress everyone, I give people money if they need it and don't ask for anything in return, I pour my heart and soul into people, and then they just leave, no goodbye or anything...
I guess I should just learn to accept that people will never like me. Fuck the world. I don't understand why people act the way they do.
Ever since I was younger til now these are the jobs I wanted to do when I was older and finished school:
- A DJ
- A Sexual Assualt Detective
- A Detective
- An Event Organiser
- A Singer
- An Actress
- A Teacher
- A Judge
- A Lawyer (Only Certain Cases)
& Heaps Of Other Things
And surprisingly I'm not heading into any of those directions because either people have told me I wont succeed, and because I'm as smart as a stick now.
Over and Out - Casey