Wednesday, May 4, 2011

I WANT TO DIE!

There is nothing worth living for, I'm not smart, I don't know what I want to be, I'm not pretty. I'm all alone, there is noone that would understand.
I'm better off in a mouldy box under some soil.

The world is going to be so much better now.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Giving up.

I'm giving up. No one gives a shit about anything any more, so why should I?!

Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air.
Sometimes I feel like saying "Lord I just don't care".

Sometimes it seems that the going is just too rough.
And things go wrong no matter what I do.
Now and then it seems that life is just too much.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

You gave me a birthday present. You knew I was in a rough spot. You gave me a magnet that said "A friend always lends an ear". I guess you never noticed that it works both ways. I am and always will be here to lend an ear to you.

Please, please, please talk to me. Talk to someone. There is more to what you write, there is more that you need to get off your shoulders. Please talk. It will help.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Why Me?

Why do I always end up facing the consequences of other peoples actions?
I hate you, I hate that you don't care, I hate that you act like you do. I hate you!
I really wouldn't give a shit right now if you just left, never spoke to me again, I can survive with out you.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Unsure.

So I seem to keep stuffing up a lot lately. I don't know why I keep doing it. I think knowing I don't have a normal life with friends any more, or at all(?) is getting to me. I trusted people with things I never wanted to talk about, and now they're forgotten about me.

I can't help being so fucked up. I hate fucking people's lives up. I hate me. I hate what I do naturally. I just want to leave, make myself someone new, but that wont happen. I don't even know why I'm still here. I need to leave school, I only stayed because no one wanted me to go, and now they are too busy to even say hello.

Adios.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Fuck Head

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!
I wish I never knew you. You're a stupid piece of shit. I wish you were dead. I wish I never trusted you.
To think I told you anything, you're a big mouthed fuck head that needs to learn not to tell everyone everything.
Fuck, you piss me off.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Selfisness?

Haven't posted my blogs for ages but I decided to post them again. So here goes:
I was born into a world that doesn't care. My parents were still kids, they were highschool lovers and you know how they turn out, they always split up and nothing goes well for their unfortunate kids. I guess that's why I'm such and ungrateful bastard, aye?
I'm sitting here eating cherries, and thinking what a great life I have, but do I? Everyone always says how much of a hard life I've had, but I was having a chat with a very close person to me the other night, and they were telling me what she had gone through, she'd been raped several times, she saw her grandfather have a heart attack. She tried to kill herself several times, and the worst part is I feel like I went through it with her. I don't understand how she keeps going, she suffers with depression (no surprise there, aye?). Ever since I heard what she's been through I've been thinking 'why do I complain about my life?' and 'I wonder what I'd do if I was her...'. I don't want to experience any of what she did, but I suppose I don't have a chance, I probably will one day in this world.
I feel used, people only talk to me if they need my crappy advice or if they get cornered into talking to me, it makes me feel worthless and makes me want to end it all. I had great potential until I moved and got bullied for being so smart, so I acted dumb and in doing so dumbed myself down. I now know nowhere near what I did when I moved in year 6. I mean fuck, why do I always feel bad for who I am? I know very well I don't fit in and I never will, yet I continue to try, I always try to impress everyone, I give people money if they need it and don't ask for anything in return, I pour my heart and soul into people, and then they just leave, no goodbye or anything...
I guess I should just learn to accept that people will never like me. Fuck the world. I don't understand why people act the way they do.
Ever since I was younger til now these are the jobs I wanted to do when I was older and finished school:
- A DJ
- A Sexual Assualt Detective
- A Detective
- An Event Organiser
- A Singer
- An Actress
- A Teacher
- A Judge
- A Lawyer (Only Certain Cases)
& Heaps Of Other Things
And surprisingly I'm not heading into any of those directions because either people have told me I wont succeed, and because I'm as smart as a stick now.
Over and Out - Casey